Slow and Steady

Living with an undiagnosed chronic pain condition

Posted on: April 10, 2009

I’m jealous of people who have a name for their pain.

My back and neck pain have turned my world upside down. I haven’t worked for over a year, depleted my savings, have had to move back to my mums and have nights like tonight when not even my sleeping tablets get me to sleep.
I’ve had to fight for a benefits I didn’t want, all I want is my life back.
I’ve been lumped with the term ‘whiplash’ and ‘lower back pain’

I’ve tried physio, acupuncture, chiropractic, osteopathy, hydrotherapy all things that are suppose to cure the above and yet here I am still in so much pain.

I don’t have full rotation in my neck. I cannot drive for any longer than 20 minutes without it ceasing up.
My lower back feels like there is a nut there and every time I walk, a wrench is screwing the nut tighter so my steps get smaller as it gets more and more painful. Eventually I just stop, it hurts too much to continue.
I can’t sit for too long cause it hurts.
I can’t stand for too long cause it hurts.
If I knew it was something that could be fixed, I could make a plan of action and work towards a goal.
If I knew it was something that couldn’t be fixed, then I could resign from my very physical job, and try and find something else.
Not knowing is just leaving me in limbo. I feel like if I stop hoping to get well then I’m being lazy, but  it’s so upsetting when time after time I try something new and it doesn’t work.
I’m so fed up.
Yesterday I thought I paced myself, however the fact I haven’t slept and can hardly move means I was wrong. Let’s put it in context all I did was make some food and go to the shop.  Hardly back breaking work is it?
I just hope I’m going to be able to go downstairs. I can’t some days, but I’m home alone this weekend.
Hey I guess I could stand to lose some weight anyway.
I have to make jokes and laugh because I’m bored and fed up of crying.
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