Slow and Steady

Motivation? What’s that?

Posted on: June 23, 2009

As you can see I’ve been away for a few days. It seems as if every electronic device I own as decided to go on strike.

My ipod has gone missing. I’ve decided that I binned it by accident. My bin is by the side of my set of draws and my ipod usually lives on top of the speakers on the draws.

The day after I searched my room, I woke up to my phone ringing and I couldn’t find it. When it rang again, I located it in the bin and guess where I put it the night before? Yep on the speakers.

Then my laptop had what is called the blue screen of death. I tried everything and couldn’t even get into safe mode.

Eventually I decided to do a complete reinstall. I did so and downloaded the drivers and service packs on my mums super slow bug ridden computer. It took hours. Then it didn’t work. To cut a very long very boring story short, I eventually got it going then realised the system had created partitions in the hard drive and it wouldn’t work properly so I had to do the whole thing again.

Finally yesterday evening it was running normally.

Today, I went through my gazillion emails and was reviewing what laptop I was going to buy next and the thing just stopped working. It won’t switch on at all.

My laptop is very important to me. In my flat I never had a TV, just my laptop. I speak to people around the world on it, I watch films and programmes on it, I listen to music on it…
you get the idea.
It’s been like my best friend and I’m sad it’s gone. I’m also vex that it died after I spent the whole bloody weekend sorting it out.

While trying to sort out my laptop, I was using the internet on my phone to find out what was wrong with my laptop. The thing just kept randomly switching itself off. This pda I’m writing on only decided to work today. The keypad was stuck. and everytime I came online the browser page would just close.

Oh and my car is making funny noises.

************************

Electronics aside I don’t feel right in my spirit. My motivation is gone. There is no fruit or veg in the house and I don’t care. I couldn’t be bothered to go to the pool today. As I have no music, I can’t walk and the walk away the pounds exercise tape is on my hard drive not dvd so I can’t do it. I haven’t cooked. My poor plants look like how I feel because I didn’t water them at all this weekend.

There are things I want to do like exercise, like learning about the stockmarket, improving my Spanish, t and trying to promote my blog but it all seems so pointless.

I got a report today from my solicitor with reports from the specialists he sent me to see and it was so depressing. The neck and back specialist said I have Abnormal Pain Behaviour, which is medical speak for it’s all in your mind.

They listed my medical history and it was horrible, I think sometimes your brain locks things away to help you keep going. Seeing it all laid bare really upset me.

The one thing I did do though was weigh myself on Monday and I have not put on anymore. I haven’t eaten junk, but definitely haven’t been eating 5 a day.

I got the Paul McKenna I can make you thin book and cd from the library. It was short and to the point, I’m going to give it a try. It’s not revolutionary, might as well give it a go. There’s a section on emotional eating that I used today to stop me going to McDonalds. I haven’t tried the cd as I didn’t have anything to play it on, but then I remembered my portable dvd player so will try it this evening.

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1 Response to "Motivation? What’s that?"

[…] Monkey Now I no longer have an ipod, I’m going to experiment with a different […]

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