Slow and Steady

I’ve just come to a realisation that has made me cry… bawl actually. I’ve realised how much help that I’m NOT getting. My mum is away. My sister has cooked, eaten and left the dishes in there. Now my mum would usually do it, or I would try and struggle to do it. However I’m supposed to be keeping a diary of the care I receive, and to be honest, I’m not cared for!

I don’t ask for help because it just feels like I’m being a burden, and it’s not like me wanting to be independent. When I asked her to empty the bin, she threw the lid on the floor, swore the whole time, then slammed the door when she came in and stomped upstairs. Would you ask someone like that for anything?

I’ve sent her a message asking her to clean up when she gets in, and have not had a reply. She has been responding to me fine all day. If she doesn’t come home, I’m going to ask my friend to help me. 


OK. An hour later. A decision has been made. I need to stop worrying and ask for what I want. She’s said she’ll wash up in the morning, and that she will hoover my room too which needs doing badly. If I get a negative reaction, then I’ll ask a friend. I need to learn this skill because if I don’t, I’ll not be able to leave the house. I know that sounds dramatic, but I need help now. God help me. 


I’m rubbish at damn near everything at the moment. My get up and go has gone away, and I can’t seem to get it back. I just want to hide away. I can’t even say it’s for a week or anything because I can’t see myself turning a corner. 

I’ve needed a lot of help over the past week. My grandma has to carry the shopping she has bought for me into the car. She looks so frail and little. I hate that she has to do it. Cha. 

Went exercise today, and my friend came to pick me up and it feels nice. I’m glad I went.

This guy is paralysed permanently, and is not going to get a penny. This is why I’m not going to be cocky until the judge makes a decision.

I was supposed to go to a friend’s this weekend, however after driving my mum to the shop, I realised that I wasn’t really up to driving either. I also attempted to go to Brixton Splash, but the crowd was too dense. So I stayed in!

It’s funny, I never seem to realise how sore I am until I move out of the house. When my friend came to pick me up foe exercise today, I was fine, but as soon I was in her car, I felt sore and sleepy.
Ride to exercise class 1.5 hours.

Tried out Solutions gym today, not very disabled friendly but the steam room! Definitely makes a differnce to me. my body still feels heavy though, i think needto sleep so that exactly what i’mgoing to do.

used dial a ride total time 1hr10

Well, I’ve been told to keep a record of certain things, so thought I’d use this space. I’ve been meaning to return.

This week
My sister came shopping with me and carried the bags to and from the car.
I made something to eat but had no energy to wash up, so my sister tided up the kitchen then set me a bath. I was very tired because I had run out of sleeping pills and felt really achy. It was a good day though, my new solicitor has shown me he’s prepared to stick up for me, and it’s left me on a high.

I attempted to tidy up my room, but didn’t really have any energy, so I spent most of the time in bed.
Again, low energy so had my therapy session in my car because my therapist’s place has stairs. I wanted to make dinner, so decided to save my energy for that. I didn’t have an ingredient so my sister went to the shop and got it for me. My mum washed the dishes, and I settled in for an early night.

I went to my gran’s today. There has been a package to collect from my local sorting office from the 14th, but I keep forgetting about it. My sister reminded me about it today, then went in and picked it up for me. At my gran’s she gave me a load of stuff to take home, and put it in the car for me. My sister will take it out when she gets in, or my mum. Whoever is first. I don’t understand because I usually feel less achy when the weather is warm, but instead I feel so heavy.
I’m trying out a new pool tomorrow. I hope that may help some. It’s also got a steam room, so I’ll do some callanetics stretches there too.

I don’t really like forwards. Emails, texts, I just find them a bit odd. Yes some of the subject is nice, but why add on the ultimatum at the end? And why say to send it back to the person who sent it to you to show care?  That could have you sending it back and forth to the same person all day! LOL

So I generally just delete them from people who only ever send me forwards, and read the ones from people I care about. I never forward them on to others, unless they are really poignant. When I first read this forward, I did actually cry because it was so significant to me at the time.

Once upon a time there was this girl who had four boyfriends.
She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.

She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her.

Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.

The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him.

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, ‘I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I’ll be all alone’.

Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, ‘I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?’

‘No way!’, replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.

His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend,’I loved you all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?’

‘No!’, replied the 3rd boyfriend. ‘Life is too good! When you die, I’m going to marry someone else!’

Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, ‘I have always turned to you for help and
you’ve always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?’

‘I’m sorry , I can’t help you out this time!’, replied the 2nd boyfriend. ‘At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.’

His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

Then a voice called out: ‘I’ll go with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.’

The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, ‘I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!’

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:

Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.

Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.

And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go.

Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of Heaven and continue with you throughout Eternity.