Slow and Steady

Posts Tagged ‘hoarding

Yep I said said it.

Now before I get shouted down by parents everywhere please have a read and tell me if I’m wrong. I feel this is going to be a long post, so bare with me.

My mother’s house is almost falling down because of lack of care (drama queen? Me? Never!). There are exposed wires everywhere, the kitchen and bathroom are unfinished after being started 4 years and a year ago respectively. The front room cannot be used as it’s full of stuff, and the bedrooms have clothes strewn everywhere. You cannot see the floor in their bedrooms (my mum and my sister). I really didn’t want to move back, because what I need is a place to recoup and heal, and I just knew that my mother’s house isn’t that type of place.

When I moved in, I had to spend the first weekend at friends because even though the move had been arranged for at least a month, the room was not ready. In a standard size box room of a normal 3 bed semi, there were the following:

  • A bed
  • A wardrobe
  • A bedside table
  • A television
  • 4 linen baskets (2 in the wardrobe, 2 stacked on top of each other)
  • Random bags on the floor
  • A mirror that hadn’t been used on the bed
  • Clothes stacked up on the bed

I was supposed to sleep in that. I was promised that by the end of the weekend, I’d be able to sleep in the room.

When I came back the mirror had been moved. The clothes were just pushed to the end of the (single) bed and some were on a makeshift rail.

I was really upset as I didn’t understand why my mum agreed to let me move in if she wasn’t willing to make the effort of getting the room ready.

So after a few months, I have managed to slowly get everything out.

I persuaded my mum to let a friend put a fresh coat of paint on the walls and some shelves up. I managed to wangle an old chest of drawers from my dad and have painted it to blend in with the walls. I still have a couple of things to do, but the difference is absolutely incredible.

This lack of care seems to extend into their cooking as well. They just cannot be bothered. Unless it’s right there ready to eat, they don’t bother. Typical example, last weekend my mum said she’d do the shopping. I was very suspicious when she came back with one Marks and Spencer bag. I just sighed as I watched a pack of croissants, Viennese biscuits, rich tea fingers and a loaf of bread being packed into the cupboard.

That was it. The weekly shop.

Want to hear the funny thing though? When I cook, it is almost finished immediately. I say almost because there is always a grain of rice left in the pot so they don’t have to wash it up. I had to put my foot down this week, and tell them both if they can’t wash up after themselves, then I will cook only for myself.

The computer is full of bugs because the firewall and anti virus were switched off as ‘it made logging in too slow’. Now it takes so long to load up it is just left on all day and all night.

The TVs are left on standby, nothing is ever switched off. The heating comes on at 3am-9am and then 3pm until11pm in the weekdays. On the weekend it is on constantly.

The internet connection was AOL for £25 a month, the same line that was put in years ago. When I asked why she hadn’t moved to a cheaper provider, I was told ‘I can’t be bothered with all that’.

Are you getting some kind of sense about what I’m putting up with? Well imagine you are living in this environment and then you hear these words:

I’m broke, I have no money

Yep, I’m shaking my head too.
If you were to see my mum and sister though, you would say I’m lying, they are perfectly dressed 100% of the time, and have very expensive clothes.

I love my mum so much, and I know that her actions and behaviours are a manifestation of deep hurt and upset she has had in her life. It hurts to see her live this way, she wasn’t always like this. Unfortunately change cannot happen when the person will not accept that there is something wrong. I pray that she will one day let go of whatever is keeping her down.

When I moved in, I said that I would pay the single persons discount on the Council Tax my mum would lose with me moving back. I asked her about it for weeks after moving in and she just brushed it off until I eventually forgot about it. Last week, a court summons came! I paid it immediately but I was so confused, why would one let it get that far? I asked her to let me know about this years council tax charge and details so I could pay it. She asked for the cash and when I gave it to her, it was then changed it into foreign currency as she has flown out on holiday for a shopping weekend.

Now tell me, would you give anymore of your money to a person like this?

I have switched up the AOL account and got a years free service with o2.

I have cleaned up as much of the bugs as I could off the computer, and it runs a little better.

I have found cheaper home insurance, with the same benefits as the previous one.

I have introduced recycling to the house, so cut down on the amount of bin liners that are used.

I am looking into cheaper utilities.

I’m trying to persuade them to not wash one item in the washing machine on a full cycle.  *deep sigh*

I have found out that the mortgage fix is going to end in a few months, and am looking for remortgaging deals.

I will set an example by trying to keep my room as tidy as possible (I admit it I’m messy) to be a good influence.

I will pay for a skip to get rid of the junk.

I will pay for the weekly grocery shop that is proper food, vegetables, rice, fish, normal things, no snacks unless they are homemade.

I will not however, pay rent.